If You Wanted Me, You Would Be Here

If You Wanted Me, You Would Be Here

if you wanted me, you’d be here 

would have taken that flight

you wouldn’t have questioned it

questioned me

you would have wanted to take a chance, 

in person, 

regardless of worries held captive in your mind

you would have trusted everything would be alright

you would be here

next to me, finding ways to work through the pain

instead of fighting it back

you wouldn’t have played off my own words

you would have reminded me to ease through the past

asked to give us more genuine time

you would have tried to battle through the difficulties

instead of staying behind, fueling the fire

you would not have let me go so easily

you would have asked, 

what else can i do

instead of saying

why should i do anymore

you would have devised a plan, made a move

knowing all i ever did was make moves

across the world

across countries

across cities

leaving behind friends and family to constantly say goodbye

but if you wanted me, you would have made changes, too

you would have owned those changes

knowing honestly, truthfully

there was only one change you needed to do

but you allowed me to easily walk away from you

were you waiting for an excuse, waiting

for me to be exhausted and have already moved on?

guilting me into believing everything was my fault

but if you loved me, you would have said,

i will always be there

instead of saying,

why can’t you be here?

because when you love someone

you do what you need to do to be with them

even if that requires taking a risk

clenching onto your heart

letting yourself go slightly but not giving up

even if there’s the fear of crashing and burning

i can’t count on my fingers all the times

i took that risk for you

couldn’t you ever take that risk for me? 

i keep convincing myself you’ll be here

have bought the flight or conquered that plan, the one

we already decided months ago

but i know, deep through the aches and the pains,

as much as i want to say i am wrong,

i’m certain that if you loved me the way you said you did, you would be here

I Am Not a Convenient Love

I Am Not a Convenient Love

Receipts Left in Our Wallets

Receipts Left in Our Wallets