I Am Not a Convenient Love

I Am Not a Convenient Love

I am not a love that is convenient.

You cannot choose to love me when it is easy, 

or when it is simple or when you feel ready. 

There will never be a moment our lives

when we will both be stable or secure.

A road less traveled is never paved, as they say, 

and I am not sure what makes you so certain 

it is worth waiting for a road that will be graciously paved for you. 

I do not know what you are waiting for, but I 

know that it is not me. 

If you were waiting for me, 

if you thought it was worth paving through

the rocks and the dirt despite how difficult 

life can be, then surely you would have picked up the rocks

and hurled them aside

there would be dirt on your shirt and there

would be dust in your eyes, and

somehow, you would still be the most beautiful being I have ever seen. 

But there is no dirt on your shirt, 

your muscles are weak and 

your eyes dim even more each time I gaze into them, 

longing for who you once were. 

You are not the same person I wanted to 

carry with me down this road, and I surely am 

not the same person you first met, 

Because of this, I am changed. 

I have changed because of you,

changed for you, changed with you.

But this does not make our love so simplistic

that only one of us will continue to carry the burden.

And when you decide, if ever, that you have changed, 

I will have already paved the road and crossed the seas

onto the next challenge in life.

I will not be there. 

I am not a convenient love

but I swear, I would have been worth it. 

If You Wanted Me, You Would Be Here

If You Wanted Me, You Would Be Here