Nobody Believes I'm Depressed

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For NaNoWriMo this month, I set a goal to start and finish a book that takes the readers through the realistic journey of mental illness. When I started my first business, I really started to shut off a lot of what was happening to me in sake of keeping a positive image for the business. 

Maybe it's time I share the journey in hopes of saving others. 

nobody believes me when I tell them I’m unhappy

because everyone assumes they know what happiness looks like

that if you’re smiling, it means you are genuinely happy

or that if you show any signs of positivity, it means you’re happy

 

well i’m living proof that you can fake your way through your depression

 

everyone wants to be there for you when you are publicly sad, 

when you are crying out for help and the whole world hears you scream

they want to take credit, to say they are helping their friend through shit

some sort of hero, because everyone wants to be a hero

 

but nobody wants to be there when everything in your life

is seemingly going well, when you seemingly appear to be living 

luxuriously because if you have money you have happiness right?

you can buy your way through the pain right?

this will pass too, right?

they can’t be a savior to someone who isn’t absolutely a hopeless case

 

and when your friends start to leave you and people tell lies to ignore you and

your mind tells you it’s worthless and the money disappears and 

the days get significantly longer and sleeping has never been more appealing 

and being awake alone is exhausting and all you can ever find yourself

doing is crying in the night in the shower in the car in the bathroom plane

because you don’t want anyone to see you you don’t want them to 

feel the pain you do, 

 

no one will believe you. 

 

because if you aren’t screaming it, it you aren’t consistently depressed in public, 

if you even try to be happy for one moment, just to let people know that you are alive, 

 

you aren’t really depressed, right?

If you choose to lose me

If you choose to lose me

How to be Happy Again

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