We will never be finished with each other.

 

We sift through an unending cycle of 

seeing one another, 

throwing ourselves back into our old habits

getting too drunk and confessing feelings that we could never sober

because they are too embarrassingly emotional 

So we drink to keep us from remembering the innumerable times we have

numbingly said we loved each other

And we go through this cycle over and over and over

until we temporarily quit because we remember

why we ended everything in the first place

 

Every night I spend with you, 

I feel the same way I did when I spent my first night with you. 

I’ll always love the way my body melts into yours

the way time passes too quickly

how pieces of me still trace your apartment, in your room, in the kitchen

because you’ve never discarded all of the things I bought you

 

I wonder if we will ever stop seeing each other

if we will ever realize that we will never fully belong to one another

because we will never fully understand how to love ourselves

We are so in love with the idea of loving each other 

that we forget how to love ourselves

We put ourselves through this torturous ring of falling in and out of love

and I’m convinced I will never see the end of the circle,

maybe because we enjoy the pain of being so infatuated to the point of rawness

Just so we can experience the cycle over and over again

 

And maybe one day, we will have exhausted ourselves from this cycle

our bodies fallen apart from the times they have been torn to shreds from 

the beatings we have given them

with our hands bleeding and bruised from the countless moments 

we have held each other until we couldn’t feel our own skin anymore

 

And maybe then we will stand a chance at being finished with one another. 

 

his piece has been published on Thought Catalog. You can view the published version here

 

 

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