We will never be finished with each other.
We sift through an unending cycle of
seeing one another,
throwing ourselves back into our old habits
getting too drunk and confessing feelings that we could never sober
because they are too embarrassingly emotional
So we drink to keep us from remembering the innumerable times we have
numbingly said we loved each other
And we go through this cycle over and over and over
until we temporarily quit because we remember
why we ended everything in the first place
Every night I spend with you,
I feel the same way I did when I spent my first night with you.
I’ll always love the way my body melts into yours
the way time passes too quickly
how pieces of me still trace your apartment, in your room, in the kitchen
because you’ve never discarded all of the things I bought you
I wonder if we will ever stop seeing each other
if we will ever realize that we will never fully belong to one another
because we will never fully understand how to love ourselves
We are so in love with the idea of loving each other
that we forget how to love ourselves
We put ourselves through this torturous ring of falling in and out of love
and I’m convinced I will never see the end of the circle,
maybe because we enjoy the pain of being so infatuated to the point of rawness
Just so we can experience the cycle over and over again
And maybe one day, we will have exhausted ourselves from this cycle
our bodies fallen apart from the times they have been torn to shreds from
the beatings we have given them
with our hands bleeding and bruised from the countless moments
we have held each other until we couldn’t feel our own skin anymore
And maybe then we will stand a chance at being finished with one another.
his piece has been published on Thought Catalog. You can view the published version here.