It’s been months, and I can’t find the words

to express everything I ever felt with you. 

I want to share my thoughts with everyone I’ve ever met

because I want them to feel how I felt with you

I stay awake every night, too late, using all of my leftover energy

trying to place you on paper. 

 

I’ve tried to write about how we met

and I’ve tried to write about the day I left

but I can’t. 

I can’t pinpoint every detail in perfection

and I can’t grasp the pull from my heart strings in word form

 

I can’t find the most beautiful way to describe a time so colorful and

I can’t find the emotions that exploded through my brain

the second I let reality remind me that by the following morning, 

we would go back to being thousands of miles apart

 

I can’t find a way to share in detail the happiest I had been those moments with you

I’ve tried to write poems, novels, short pieces, song lyrics

but they are either too short or not long enough

How can a person accurately describe the feeling of their entire body 

being consumed by another being, a feeling of wholesomeness? 

Is that possible? 

 

I try to capture the words when I think snapshots of them

I write scattered sentences in notes, I sing them in memos, I engrave them on my skin

But when I try to write one singular piece about you

I can’t . 

 

I wonder if I will ever be able to write one staggering piece of work about you

or if I will continue to bang my head to finish something, anything

that could exude all of the feelings I had for you

Some say others are our muse

but you just make me insane

 

The more I try to write about you

the more I realize I’m still living the words that can illustrate you. 

I can’t describe you to anyone and everyone can see it

You still exist in my mind, and I can’t stop projecting my

breathless smiles about you to everyone who asks. 

You are everywhere. 

 

I can’t find the words to write about you, 

and I’m accepting that when the time is right, 

I will find the most unparalleled words for you. 

 

This piece has been published on Thought Catalog. You can view the published version here

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