They say that the best writing in life

comes from the pain life gives us

the pain we feel as times change

the pain we feel as time passes

and the pain we feel from others

 

So I thought I would write this

because of the pain I thought I would feel

from you.

 

I feel pain burning throughout my thighs 

because today I ran 15 miles.

I usually run four, at best,

but today I ran a half marathon

 

I thought I could run the pain of you

out of me

 

I feel pain in my fingers

because today I wrote for four hours

I’m lucky if I ever got time to write

when I was with you.

 

I thought I could express all of the emotions I felt for you

on paper

instead of to you

 

I feel pain in my head

because last night, I didn’t sleep.

I usually don’t sleep much

but last night, I didn’t sleep at all.

 

I thought that maybe if I didn’t sleep, I wouldn’t dream 

of you. 

 

I feel pain in my liver

because last night, I drank a fourth of a bottle

of tequila. 

They say tequila makes a person’s clothes fall off

And I wanted to know if I could feel that way 

With someone other than you

 

I thought maybe if there was someone else, 

I wouldn't remember what tequila was like

with you

 

But out of all the places I feel pain

the one place where it should be

is absent

 

I don’t feel pain in my heart

and maybe it was the running

and the writing

and the lack sleep 

and the drinking

 

or maybe it was because I always knew

that I would never feel the pain

i wanted to with you

 

because as I’ve completely torn my body apart

as I’ve worn myself down

and can’t feel too much left of myself

 

I realize the pain already passed

when I knew your infatuation with me

ended and we let ourselves

become comfortable 

 

During that comfort, there was a moment

when my uncharacteristic happiness with you paused

and I wrote the way I felt

and that was when I knew

my pain had already passed with you.

 

 

This piece has been published on Thought Catalog. You can view the published version here.

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